Anniversaries

We all have some dates etched into our minds, and they are like bench marks, or sign posts that remind us of what we have done, or where we have been. Birthdays, graduations, marriages, births, deaths, our moment of salvation all have months, days, and years attached to them, and every time we reach one of these dates, our memories can be drawn back to that day and the things that happened. Today, Sept 19, is such a day for me. On this date last year, Marie and I flew to Miami, Florida so I could teach at CC Kendall's Wednesday night service, and then teach four times at their yearly marriage couple's retreat. I was on "vacation" (I usually take working vacations) and thought it would be nice to combine ministry with fellowship, and because we wanted to spend time with Pedro, Kendall's pastor, we decided to go. We left early that morning, getting up around 4 a.m., and took an early flight to Florida. While en route, I distinctly remember that I was reading, and could not focus on the words on the page. I prayed, "O God, I know that I am losing my memory. Please do not let it happen while I am teaching". I didn't tell Marie what I was experiencing, as I did not want to alarm her, but I knew something was going to happen. After arriving in Miami, we went to our room, and I quickly got ready for the evening service, and within an hour or two after arrival was sitting in Pedro's office, waiting for the service to start. Marie brought me two Cuban coffee's (very strong espresso) and I went out to teach. At the end of the study my memory faded and was almost completely erased. I gave an invitation, prayed with people at the foot of the platform, and then told Marie that I did not know where I was. Paramedics were called, and my blood pressure was something like 200 over 100 and they said that I was in danger of having a stroke, so they put me in an ambulance and I was hospitalized for three days. Quite an experience, I must say. This turned my world upside down, as I began going to specialists to get tests to determine what was wrong, and much of my life was changed from that day on. The initial prognosis was early stages of Alzheimer's, and the neuropsychologist I went to said that I might live a normal life for the next 7 years. Stress was to be avoided, weight was to be lost, exercise was to begin, and my life pretty much changed. Added to this was a diagnosis of stage 2 diabetes, early stages of melanoma, and the early stages of cataracts. This all took place between Sept 19th and November. When November arrived, we had a trip scheduled to go to Hawaii, and I felt that I needed to get away, to try to regroup and to think of what all of this was going to do to my family, and my ministry. We have a fairly large church, and the needs represented by such a group are huge and continuous. When the neuropsychologist told me I needed to reduce stress, I told her that that would be difficult to do, because I am a pastor: stress is part of the package. I was feeling bad because I couldn't concentrate on all the daily concerns of the church, and felt like I was failing as a pastor, as I could not be there like I used to be. I was having difficulty remembering names of people I had known for over 20 years, and as I read and studied my bible, I had to re-read the passage, as I would pretty much forget what I had just read. I began relying on my notes more extensively, as I could not remember where I wanted to go, even after teaching the passage in first and second service. I didn't want to tell the church, as I did not want to cause them concern, not to mention that I knew that some would leave the church because they could not handle being taught by a pastor in poor health. People can be interesting when it comes to things like this. I remembered how many people left the church shortly after my father died, because my emotions would get the best of me as I taught, and I would begin to cry when I mentioned him. Some just cannot handle this kind of thing, and I am aware of it and for this reason, kept these things pretty much to myself and told only a handful of people about what was going on. All of this was pretty much a bummer, I can tell you, but there are benefits. My good friend Mike MacIntosh recently wrote me and he said that these kinds of events reveal two things: our own mortality, and our need for humility, as we are put in the position of trusting the Lord much more, with a sense that we are not going to pastor the church forever! He is so right, and my life has been changed by the events of Sept 19th. I should add, that after the diagnosis of dementia (early Alzheimer's) the neurologist told me that he misdiagnosed me, and gave me a clean bill of health. The skin specialist provided treatment, and the early melanoma was dealt with, and I have lost weight and hope to avoid insulin with the stage 2 diabetes. All in all, good has resulted. I pastor a wonderful group of people, and those who have been with me for years have remained compassionate, understanding, and supportive as my family and I have walked this valley. I still don't know exactly what caused my memory loss, and perhaps may never know, but that is something I can live with. With this in mind, I think of how Paul had a divine gift, what he referred to as his "thorn in the flesh", so today is my anniversary of my own "thorn". Through this,  I have come to know in a deeper way that "when I am weak, then I am strong" because "God's strength is made perfect in weakness". To Him be the glory, great things He is doing, great things He has done! Even so, I will serve Him as faithfully as I can until I see His face and can tell Him how much I love Him.